I would have to make it my full time job to write every hilarious or crazy incident that takes place on a daily basis in our home. When I started “The Riggins’ Life”, it was for selfish reasons; I want to remember these funny things that take place every day so I can remind my kids about them when they’re older and share these happenings with my grandkids.
Yesterday did not disappoint. Eli came to visit me at my office after school so that I could help him with his homework. He was quite distraught because his teacher made the entire class write each word that they missed on their spelling test 50 times. This meant Eli had 300 words total to write (oops). He was NOT happy. I told him to suck it up and start writing because as much as he hated to do it, it was an assignment that had to be done and he would need to study harder for the next test. I checked out what he had written so far and saw that he had the word “disfuntional” about 35 times.
Me – “Um, Eli, is this word supposed to be “dysfunctional”?
Eli – “Yep.”
Me – “Well, I’m pretty sure it’s “dys” and you left out the “c”.” You see, this is why the teacher wants you writing these words 50 times each. IF you write them correctly, you’ll most likely never misspell them again.”
His head hit the desk and the mumbling began….”OH my gosh, I hate spelling, this is so stupid, I hate that word….”
By 5:00, with a very sore hand, Eli had all of his words written and we headed home. As is my custom, I called the house to let Caleb know I was headed that way. He had come home earlier in the afternoon not feeling well and I had instructed him to take Theraflu and lay down – no computer, no cell phone, just REST. When I called on my way home, I asked if he had taken the medicine like I told him. He said he had done so and then said, “Was I supposed to take that little white pill laying on the table?” I truly had no idea what pill he was talking about or where it came from so I vehemently said, “NO. Don’t take any pill you see on the table. I don’t know what it is.”
Caleb – “It has an “A” on it. What is it?”
Me – “I have no idea but don’t take it.” In an effort to be funny, I said, “It could be one of Kendal’s birth control pills and you don’t want to take that.” (snicker, snicker). To my right, in the passenger seat, I hear Eli saying, “Wh-wh-what did you say?? Kendal takes the birth control pills?? Wh-wh-why???”
I waved him off to finish my conversation with Caleb….
Caleb – “What would happen if I did take one of her pills?”
Me – “I have no idea, you just don’t ever want to. I’m sure that pill is not for birth control. I was just being funny. Throw it away and I’ll see you soon. Love you, bye.”
When I got off the phone, Eli. Was. Frantic. “Why does Kendal take that pill??”
Me – “Because she and Wes are not ready to have a baby yet.”
He began shaking his head furiously, blinking his eyes trying to comprehend what I had just said and then, with raised voice, he proclaims: “THEN WHY DO THEY DO IT?? That’s like throwing bait into shark infested waters hoping it won’t get eaten!! They can snuggle and kiss and all that, but don’t do it! That’s stupid! If they don’t want to have a baby then why do they do it?? WESLEY IS JUST WASTING HIS SEED!”
O my steve. I nearly had to pull the car over so I could regain control of myself. I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. But Eli was NOT laughing. And he couldn’t figure out what my deal was either. This was NOT a laughing matter to him. Sex was for having babies and, according to Eli, Wes & Kendal were just flat out CRAZY.
I know I get close to the “too much information” line at times, but some things are too funny to make up and too funny not to share. I am still laughing this morning (and I hope that Eli, Wes, & Kendal will not kill me for sharing this story)!
All three of our boys are precious gifts from God to Steve and me; none more special than the other. But they definitely have individual “gifts” of their own and Eli…well, there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t laugh because of him.
And that’s definitely a goodthing. 😀